Adrenaline
I fell off of a tall ladder at work when I was eighteen. It hurt pretty good and left me with a nagging fear of heights. I do not like being told what I can or cannot do, especially by a ladder. I decided about a year later that I was going to face my fear head on, with gusto! I started at Lagoon, an amusement park in Northern Utah. Roller coasters, the kind that leave your heart in your throat. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. We zoomed, upside down, and I felt every heart racing moment of it. I wasn’t ready to squeal with delight yet, but I was on my way!
I climbed into the Blast Off and my whole body trembled, waiting for the inevitable rocket toward the sky that would take me with it. I tried to breathe, slowly and evenly. Before I knew it, there was a soft bounce and then whoosh! We flew toward the clouds! I screamed along with my fellow riders. For a few blissful seconds, we just fought gravity and felt the freedom of movement at break neck speeds. The thrill, the adrenaline, it coursed through every inch of my body. It was a new and wonderful feeling and I wanted more of it. The rush was greater than the fear had ever been.
As soon as the ride ended, I got in line for the Re-entry ride. We all strapped in and were slowly raised skyward. We bobbed at the top, looking out over the valley below and all the patrons of the theme park, watching us with awe and jealousy. And then, before I could think another thought, we were falling. Falling fast. My hair blew around me as I screamed and yelled. Was that a happy sound coming from my throat? A woohoo perhaps? The ride ended and I jumped right back in line. I needed more!
I rode those two again and again until it was no longer enough. I put my arms and legs straight out and conjured up all kinds of nasty images of my harness coming open and me free falling over the crowds of the park, landing right in the middle of them with a big ‘ol thwump! The vivid imagery of my imagination was enough to make the ride exciting again, but not for long.
I left the park that day, feeling high on adrenaline and happy juice. Who needed drugs or alcohol? I had found something far better. What would I do next? What would top this? I began my research and started saving money.
A few months later, a girlfriend and I drove down to Las Vegas. We pulled into town in the morning, too soon to check into our hotel. We changed clothes in a parking garage and headed out onto the strip. We hit several amusement rides, roller coasters and such. It was fun and since it had been a long time that I had not felt the rush, this was feeling good. There was an undeniable itch though. More. Must find more.
After checking into our hotel and getting situated, we wasted no time getting up to the top of the Stratosphere tower. The wind blew around us as we looked out over the city. It was beautiful, wonderful and terribly exciting. I looked up at the Big Shot, Las Vegas’ much more exciting version of Lagoon’s Blast Off. Not only did you shoot toward the sky, you did it from the top of the Stratosphere Tower! My nerves were all fired up and the flutters in my stomach were out of control. I was jonesing and it was bad. To work our way up to it, we did the roller coaster first. It was lame. Probably why it is no longer there.
I was itching, dying to face the possibility of death. Fired up, ready to go, forced to wait in line. The time dragged as I watched the other riders strapping in, flying high, screaming with excitement and terror. Our turn finally came. Becky, my good friend and companion for the trip, strapped ourselves in, ready to take it on. We were both suitably terrified. My moment had arrived!
Our seats bounced momentarily and then off we went! The rush, the speed, the high! It was overpowering and all encompassing. I had never felt so alive, so real, so in the moment and aware of mortality. I had to ride again. And again.
The ride had been amazing, but soon, I felt again the longing for more. Something more terrifying, exhilarating, fulfilling. I left Las Vegas, wondering what would be next.
I soon left home to be a nanny on the other side of the country. That alone was a wild ride, new and dangerous. Nineteen and headed out into the world alone. Soon the newness of it was replaced with a feeling of normalcy however and I needed a boost. A friend from high school that I had kept in touch with via email had become an avid sky diver. The idea of jumping out of a plane scared me to the core. Why would anyone do something so crazy? And why was I even considering it? That voice in the back of my mind, the one that was beyond excited at the prospect, encouraged me whole heartedly until I finally had a plane ticket in my hand and was headed back to Utah.
I spent the first few days visiting family and friends, all the while, feeling the pull of the open air. I met up with Derek, my sky diving friend, and we headed out into the desert. I trusted him completely with my life. I had no reason not to. He had done this and every cell in my body wanted to experience the exhilaration that he promised would be mine.
I found a flight suit. We trained, briefly. I guess they assumed that since I was Derek’s friend, I must know what I was doing. I was ill prepared for what lay ahead, but I think it was better that way. It allowed for ultimate terror and satisfaction. Soon our plane pulled up, a tiny little thing that looked like an oversized toy. We climbed in and I was strapped to a stranger, my tandem partner. Derek would be recording my jump. We rose into the sky, above the mountains, into the clouds. Derek had arranged some special experiences for me with the pilot and other jumpers. The ride had been slow and smooth, when all of a sudden we were shooting straight up, very quickly. And then, as sudden as the climb had begun, the plane fell. Rapidly. We all flew out of our seats, floating so briefly in zero gravity. It was over before I had even known what was happening. My body knew though and I shook all over, amazed, excited, charged up and ready for more.
Before too long, we had reached our jumping altitude, 2,000 feet higher than they normally jumped at. Another gift he had arranged for me. The little door popped open and people began jumping. My tandem partner spoke into my ear so I could hear over the roar of the plane and the wind. It was our turn!!!!
He scooted me to the end of the bench. I watched as Derek climbed out onto the wing, holding on with one arm and positioning his helmet cam with the other. It was madness. Total and complete madness! What in the world had I gotten myself into? I looked at Derek, thinking he must be totally insane. But then, what did that make me? I pulled my goggles over my eyes as my tandem scooted me, on my knees, toward the yellow line. My breath caught in my throat as I looked out the open door and beheld the clouds, the mountains, valleys, fields, farms and bodies of water that lay below. Far below.
My partner made me look into Derek’s camera and then Derek jumped. I watched him fall for a split second and then my tandem was rocking me back and forth. We rocked, once, twice, and on the third rock, he rolled me forward, out of the plane. I screamed for all I was worth. We fell, we flew, my cheeks flapped in the wind. I felt my body, my mind, every seam that was holding me together began to pull apart as gravity acted upon me. I was on fire. I was alive. Death reached its greedy hands up for me as the ground came closer. I laughed, or rather screamed hysterically, in its face.
My partner knocked on my head to tell me it was time to pull the chute. I couldn’t or wouldn’t do it. :My senses were overwhelmed with the action and I couldn’t focus on something so mundane. He pulled it for us and we were immediately sucked back up into the stratosphere. We flew quickly and the chute caught, leaving us all of a sudden in a soundless, peaceful void, floating slowly toward the earth. All around me was silence. I felt serenity, goodness, love. I felt God.
The ground rose toward us, objects, buildings, cars, people, all coming into focus. It was time to land. I cruised in on my rear end, landing with a thwop, skidding to a stop, Derek catching the entirety of my graceful re-entry on tape for posterity sake.
Never had I felt so completely fulfilled, so one with the earth and the sky, ready to take life by the horns. I had faced death and shown him what I was made of. Nothing could stop me now.
I look on life with fire and panache. It threw fiery darts and lay thunder in my path, but those feeble attempts would not stop me. Whenever it all seemed too great, I remembered that day in the sky, and suddenly, anything and everything was possible. I did it again, a few years later, needing to recharge and feel powerful again. There was less of a rush this time, but still a quiet power entered my soul and fueled me on. I wondered what I could possibly do after that to excite such adrenaline and stimulate my mind, soul and body so thoroughly.
The answer came three or four years later. My body was overwhelmed with pain, I couldn’t stand, sit or lay down. There was no comfort to be found. I thought I might die at any moment, almost wished for it. Agony, complete, total and all encompassing racked every fiber of my being. My body stepped up to the challenge, predestined from the foundation of man’s existence. I was built for this and generations before had made this moment possible. That, and a beautiful iv of medication. With a final push, my daughter Olivia, a brand new life, one who had never seen the sun or felt the glory of physical existence, entered this crazy messed up world and gave me the biggest rush of happiness and self realization , more than any jump from a plane or crazy blast off toward the skies, more than I had ever dreamed possible.
She cried and my life began. Take that world! I was a woman and I could do anything! I looked out the window, toward the clouds, remembering the heights that had so terrified me. I faced them and in my mind a shout went up. “Bring it on!”
I fell off of a tall ladder at work when I was eighteen. It hurt pretty good and left me with a nagging fear of heights. I do not like being told what I can or cannot do, especially by a ladder. I decided about a year later that I was going to face my fear head on, with gusto! I started at Lagoon, an amusement park in Northern Utah. Roller coasters, the kind that leave your heart in your throat. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. We zoomed, upside down, and I felt every heart racing moment of it. I wasn’t ready to squeal with delight yet, but I was on my way!
I climbed into the Blast Off and my whole body trembled, waiting for the inevitable rocket toward the sky that would take me with it. I tried to breathe, slowly and evenly. Before I knew it, there was a soft bounce and then whoosh! We flew toward the clouds! I screamed along with my fellow riders. For a few blissful seconds, we just fought gravity and felt the freedom of movement at break neck speeds. The thrill, the adrenaline, it coursed through every inch of my body. It was a new and wonderful feeling and I wanted more of it. The rush was greater than the fear had ever been.
As soon as the ride ended, I got in line for the Re-entry ride. We all strapped in and were slowly raised skyward. We bobbed at the top, looking out over the valley below and all the patrons of the theme park, watching us with awe and jealousy. And then, before I could think another thought, we were falling. Falling fast. My hair blew around me as I screamed and yelled. Was that a happy sound coming from my throat? A woohoo perhaps? The ride ended and I jumped right back in line. I needed more!
I rode those two again and again until it was no longer enough. I put my arms and legs straight out and conjured up all kinds of nasty images of my harness coming open and me free falling over the crowds of the park, landing right in the middle of them with a big ‘ol thwump! The vivid imagery of my imagination was enough to make the ride exciting again, but not for long.
I left the park that day, feeling high on adrenaline and happy juice. Who needed drugs or alcohol? I had found something far better. What would I do next? What would top this? I began my research and started saving money.
A few months later, a girlfriend and I drove down to Las Vegas. We pulled into town in the morning, too soon to check into our hotel. We changed clothes in a parking garage and headed out onto the strip. We hit several amusement rides, roller coasters and such. It was fun and since it had been a long time that I had not felt the rush, this was feeling good. There was an undeniable itch though. More. Must find more.
After checking into our hotel and getting situated, we wasted no time getting up to the top of the Stratosphere tower. The wind blew around us as we looked out over the city. It was beautiful, wonderful and terribly exciting. I looked up at the Big Shot, Las Vegas’ much more exciting version of Lagoon’s Blast Off. Not only did you shoot toward the sky, you did it from the top of the Stratosphere Tower! My nerves were all fired up and the flutters in my stomach were out of control. I was jonesing and it was bad. To work our way up to it, we did the roller coaster first. It was lame. Probably why it is no longer there.
I was itching, dying to face the possibility of death. Fired up, ready to go, forced to wait in line. The time dragged as I watched the other riders strapping in, flying high, screaming with excitement and terror. Our turn finally came. Becky, my good friend and companion for the trip, strapped ourselves in, ready to take it on. We were both suitably terrified. My moment had arrived!
Our seats bounced momentarily and then off we went! The rush, the speed, the high! It was overpowering and all encompassing. I had never felt so alive, so real, so in the moment and aware of mortality. I had to ride again. And again.
The ride had been amazing, but soon, I felt again the longing for more. Something more terrifying, exhilarating, fulfilling. I left Las Vegas, wondering what would be next.
I soon left home to be a nanny on the other side of the country. That alone was a wild ride, new and dangerous. Nineteen and headed out into the world alone. Soon the newness of it was replaced with a feeling of normalcy however and I needed a boost. A friend from high school that I had kept in touch with via email had become an avid sky diver. The idea of jumping out of a plane scared me to the core. Why would anyone do something so crazy? And why was I even considering it? That voice in the back of my mind, the one that was beyond excited at the prospect, encouraged me whole heartedly until I finally had a plane ticket in my hand and was headed back to Utah.
I spent the first few days visiting family and friends, all the while, feeling the pull of the open air. I met up with Derek, my sky diving friend, and we headed out into the desert. I trusted him completely with my life. I had no reason not to. He had done this and every cell in my body wanted to experience the exhilaration that he promised would be mine.
I found a flight suit. We trained, briefly. I guess they assumed that since I was Derek’s friend, I must know what I was doing. I was ill prepared for what lay ahead, but I think it was better that way. It allowed for ultimate terror and satisfaction. Soon our plane pulled up, a tiny little thing that looked like an oversized toy. We climbed in and I was strapped to a stranger, my tandem partner. Derek would be recording my jump. We rose into the sky, above the mountains, into the clouds. Derek had arranged some special experiences for me with the pilot and other jumpers. The ride had been slow and smooth, when all of a sudden we were shooting straight up, very quickly. And then, as sudden as the climb had begun, the plane fell. Rapidly. We all flew out of our seats, floating so briefly in zero gravity. It was over before I had even known what was happening. My body knew though and I shook all over, amazed, excited, charged up and ready for more.
Before too long, we had reached our jumping altitude, 2,000 feet higher than they normally jumped at. Another gift he had arranged for me. The little door popped open and people began jumping. My tandem partner spoke into my ear so I could hear over the roar of the plane and the wind. It was our turn!!!!
He scooted me to the end of the bench. I watched as Derek climbed out onto the wing, holding on with one arm and positioning his helmet cam with the other. It was madness. Total and complete madness! What in the world had I gotten myself into? I looked at Derek, thinking he must be totally insane. But then, what did that make me? I pulled my goggles over my eyes as my tandem scooted me, on my knees, toward the yellow line. My breath caught in my throat as I looked out the open door and beheld the clouds, the mountains, valleys, fields, farms and bodies of water that lay below. Far below.
My partner made me look into Derek’s camera and then Derek jumped. I watched him fall for a split second and then my tandem was rocking me back and forth. We rocked, once, twice, and on the third rock, he rolled me forward, out of the plane. I screamed for all I was worth. We fell, we flew, my cheeks flapped in the wind. I felt my body, my mind, every seam that was holding me together began to pull apart as gravity acted upon me. I was on fire. I was alive. Death reached its greedy hands up for me as the ground came closer. I laughed, or rather screamed hysterically, in its face.
My partner knocked on my head to tell me it was time to pull the chute. I couldn’t or wouldn’t do it. :My senses were overwhelmed with the action and I couldn’t focus on something so mundane. He pulled it for us and we were immediately sucked back up into the stratosphere. We flew quickly and the chute caught, leaving us all of a sudden in a soundless, peaceful void, floating slowly toward the earth. All around me was silence. I felt serenity, goodness, love. I felt God.
The ground rose toward us, objects, buildings, cars, people, all coming into focus. It was time to land. I cruised in on my rear end, landing with a thwop, skidding to a stop, Derek catching the entirety of my graceful re-entry on tape for posterity sake.
Never had I felt so completely fulfilled, so one with the earth and the sky, ready to take life by the horns. I had faced death and shown him what I was made of. Nothing could stop me now.
I look on life with fire and panache. It threw fiery darts and lay thunder in my path, but those feeble attempts would not stop me. Whenever it all seemed too great, I remembered that day in the sky, and suddenly, anything and everything was possible. I did it again, a few years later, needing to recharge and feel powerful again. There was less of a rush this time, but still a quiet power entered my soul and fueled me on. I wondered what I could possibly do after that to excite such adrenaline and stimulate my mind, soul and body so thoroughly.
The answer came three or four years later. My body was overwhelmed with pain, I couldn’t stand, sit or lay down. There was no comfort to be found. I thought I might die at any moment, almost wished for it. Agony, complete, total and all encompassing racked every fiber of my being. My body stepped up to the challenge, predestined from the foundation of man’s existence. I was built for this and generations before had made this moment possible. That, and a beautiful iv of medication. With a final push, my daughter Olivia, a brand new life, one who had never seen the sun or felt the glory of physical existence, entered this crazy messed up world and gave me the biggest rush of happiness and self realization , more than any jump from a plane or crazy blast off toward the skies, more than I had ever dreamed possible.
She cried and my life began. Take that world! I was a woman and I could do anything! I looked out the window, toward the clouds, remembering the heights that had so terrified me. I faced them and in my mind a shout went up. “Bring it on!”
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