I am able to laugh about this now, even the part with my mom and the shovel. Listen to your parents kids. They just might actually know more than you.
My First Kiss
Sloppy. So much saliva. He had told me to just hold still and he would show me how it worked, then I could follow his lead. It was definitely not what I had thought it would be-- nothing like my mom’s Harlequin Romances. Yes, we were standing in a lovely place surrounded by trees and greenery. It was actually a drainage ditch but the foliage was great and I knew this was where I wanted it to happen. The ambiance was worth the scratches I got from climbing down into it.
Josh was so handsome. I had been infatuated with him for months, having worked with him at McDonald’s. He was eighteen and drove a black truck. I was sixteen and had never been kissed. The fact that such a handsome boy was paying attention to me sent my heart soaring. When he wanted to meet up, I knew I would do whatever it took to make it happen.
My brother Jared and I had to go to the high school for MMR booster shots. I told Josh I would be there and Jared said he would cover for me. We got the shots and then I walked out behind the gym and met up with Josh. Jared was off to find his own adventures. I sat with Josh on the cement. We both knew what was going to happen. He asked and I told him yes except that there on the cement was not the romantic place I had in mind for my first kiss.
We took his truck and drove away from the high school. I directed him to the place I had picked out. Josh drove like a maniac-- I guess he was showing off. I clung to the handle above my door and wondered at my decision to get into a vehicle with this hormone driven lunatic.
We pulled up to the ravine like drainage ditch and he peeled out on the dirt. I was so not impressed but he smiled and his face was beautiful It was worth it. He helped me out of his jacked up truck and we walked down to the ditch. The weather was perfect, the day sunny and bright. We made our way through the brambles, him gallantly catching me when I stumbled. Once we were down in the ditch, under the shade of some lovely weed trees, he explained how this would work.
I assumed it would be like the movies, him moving in slowly and easing me into this new experience. It was nothing like that. He stuck his tongue down my throat and his excessive saliva sprayed over my face. I had to take breaks to wipe my mouth on the shoulder of his shirt. I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I held onto the hope that this would get better. He was so handsome, how could he be such a bad kisser?
When I decided I had had enough of this nonsense, I asked him to take me back to the high school, promising that I would see him again and assuring him that it had been a wonderful experience. In my mind, I was already envisioning the pyre of flames consuming those wretched romance novels that had led me so far astray and given me such unrealistic expectations.
Josh brought me back to the high school. I couldn’t find my brother anywhere. I called him and he had gone off to do something else. I waited at the school for him, getting more and more nervous that our mom would wonder what we were up to. Finally Jared showed up and we went straight home. We made excuses about a long wait to get our shots and then I went off to my bedroom to reflect on my recent experience. There was a giddiness in my heart, in spite of the disappointment of the actual experience and Josh’s apparent lack of know-how. I promised myself right then that if ever I was someone’s first kiss, I would make sure I knew what I was doing and that they would walk away satisfied and pleased.
A few days later, the truth had somehow been leaked to my mom that I had snuck off with Josh. I still have no idea how she came to know-- I just chalk it up to mommy-magic. My mama has always been a tiger, fighting to defend her cubs, even if her cubs wanted anything but that. I have come to appreciate it over the years, especially now that I have my own babies. I did not appreciate it at sixteen.
Josh showed up at my house to visit me and maybe take me for another terrifying ride in his truck. I opened the door carefully and quietly, hoping Mama wouldn’t hear. Yes, I was planning to sneak away without permission. I was so sure of my invincibility in those days, like most teenagers. I’m sure we would have been just fine, with the worst possible scenario being a fiery death after Josh crashed us into a tree. Other than that, I was wasn’t worried about any hanky panky. This was all knew to me and I was certain that Josh wouldn’t rush me into anything. Honestly, I didn’t care to kiss him again, rather I thought it would be nice to walk around somewhere, showing him off like a trophy. He was beautiful after all.
Josh and I walked as noiselessly as possible toward the front gate. We were halfway there when my mama, in full tigress rage, came flying out the door wielding a shovel. She yelled at Josh to get off her property, threatening to call the cops. I screamed for her to leave him alone and yelled reassurance to Josh, hoping to see him again soon, apologizing profusely for my mother’s behavior. Mama wasted no time ordering me back into the house. I sulked slowly back toward the door, my face burning red with embarrassment and anger.
I locked myself in my room and cried into my pillow until Mama came knocking at my door. I don’t remember what happened from there, other than being grounded. It was a few years before I saw Josh again. He was as beautiful as always and had somehow managed to get over my mother’s banishment. We talked briefly but I made no plans with him and decided he was kind of a jerk. He totally ruined the fantasies I had created in my mind of how it would be if I ever saw him again. Maybe Mama had been right about him…..
I saw him again about four years later as I was working in the cell phone booth at Walmart. I had blossomed into quite the lovely young lady by this point. I am not bragging, simply expressing pride for the progress I had made in taking care of myself and my appearance. Josh noticed my efforts as did lots of men by this time. He was still as handsome as ever, but there was a certain patheticness about him as he tried every line he could to get my number and secure a date. I remembered my mother’s opinion of him and noticed the tell-tale signs of a drug problem and his overall scruffiness. It also didn’t escape my memory that he had been pretty rude to me the last time I had seen him. I gracefully
allowed him to give me his card, saying
I’d call him but knowing that I never would. He finally left and I held my head up high, feeling incredibly victorious somehow and like I had really grown up. I figured Mama would be proud-- I didn’t even mind if she decided to say “I told you so.” Mom’s just know more than their wily teenaged daughters. Yay for mother bears protecting their babies when their babies have no idea what they might be getting themselves into.
Josh was so handsome. I had been infatuated with him for months, having worked with him at McDonald’s. He was eighteen and drove a black truck. I was sixteen and had never been kissed. The fact that such a handsome boy was paying attention to me sent my heart soaring. When he wanted to meet up, I knew I would do whatever it took to make it happen.
My brother Jared and I had to go to the high school for MMR booster shots. I told Josh I would be there and Jared said he would cover for me. We got the shots and then I walked out behind the gym and met up with Josh. Jared was off to find his own adventures. I sat with Josh on the cement. We both knew what was going to happen. He asked and I told him yes except that there on the cement was not the romantic place I had in mind for my first kiss.
We took his truck and drove away from the high school. I directed him to the place I had picked out. Josh drove like a maniac-- I guess he was showing off. I clung to the handle above my door and wondered at my decision to get into a vehicle with this hormone driven lunatic.
We pulled up to the ravine like drainage ditch and he peeled out on the dirt. I was so not impressed but he smiled and his face was beautiful It was worth it. He helped me out of his jacked up truck and we walked down to the ditch. The weather was perfect, the day sunny and bright. We made our way through the brambles, him gallantly catching me when I stumbled. Once we were down in the ditch, under the shade of some lovely weed trees, he explained how this would work.
I assumed it would be like the movies, him moving in slowly and easing me into this new experience. It was nothing like that. He stuck his tongue down my throat and his excessive saliva sprayed over my face. I had to take breaks to wipe my mouth on the shoulder of his shirt. I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I held onto the hope that this would get better. He was so handsome, how could he be such a bad kisser?
When I decided I had had enough of this nonsense, I asked him to take me back to the high school, promising that I would see him again and assuring him that it had been a wonderful experience. In my mind, I was already envisioning the pyre of flames consuming those wretched romance novels that had led me so far astray and given me such unrealistic expectations.
Josh brought me back to the high school. I couldn’t find my brother anywhere. I called him and he had gone off to do something else. I waited at the school for him, getting more and more nervous that our mom would wonder what we were up to. Finally Jared showed up and we went straight home. We made excuses about a long wait to get our shots and then I went off to my bedroom to reflect on my recent experience. There was a giddiness in my heart, in spite of the disappointment of the actual experience and Josh’s apparent lack of know-how. I promised myself right then that if ever I was someone’s first kiss, I would make sure I knew what I was doing and that they would walk away satisfied and pleased.
A few days later, the truth had somehow been leaked to my mom that I had snuck off with Josh. I still have no idea how she came to know-- I just chalk it up to mommy-magic. My mama has always been a tiger, fighting to defend her cubs, even if her cubs wanted anything but that. I have come to appreciate it over the years, especially now that I have my own babies. I did not appreciate it at sixteen.
Josh showed up at my house to visit me and maybe take me for another terrifying ride in his truck. I opened the door carefully and quietly, hoping Mama wouldn’t hear. Yes, I was planning to sneak away without permission. I was so sure of my invincibility in those days, like most teenagers. I’m sure we would have been just fine, with the worst possible scenario being a fiery death after Josh crashed us into a tree. Other than that, I was wasn’t worried about any hanky panky. This was all knew to me and I was certain that Josh wouldn’t rush me into anything. Honestly, I didn’t care to kiss him again, rather I thought it would be nice to walk around somewhere, showing him off like a trophy. He was beautiful after all.
Josh and I walked as noiselessly as possible toward the front gate. We were halfway there when my mama, in full tigress rage, came flying out the door wielding a shovel. She yelled at Josh to get off her property, threatening to call the cops. I screamed for her to leave him alone and yelled reassurance to Josh, hoping to see him again soon, apologizing profusely for my mother’s behavior. Mama wasted no time ordering me back into the house. I sulked slowly back toward the door, my face burning red with embarrassment and anger.
I locked myself in my room and cried into my pillow until Mama came knocking at my door. I don’t remember what happened from there, other than being grounded. It was a few years before I saw Josh again. He was as beautiful as always and had somehow managed to get over my mother’s banishment. We talked briefly but I made no plans with him and decided he was kind of a jerk. He totally ruined the fantasies I had created in my mind of how it would be if I ever saw him again. Maybe Mama had been right about him…..
I saw him again about four years later as I was working in the cell phone booth at Walmart. I had blossomed into quite the lovely young lady by this point. I am not bragging, simply expressing pride for the progress I had made in taking care of myself and my appearance. Josh noticed my efforts as did lots of men by this time. He was still as handsome as ever, but there was a certain patheticness about him as he tried every line he could to get my number and secure a date. I remembered my mother’s opinion of him and noticed the tell-tale signs of a drug problem and his overall scruffiness. It also didn’t escape my memory that he had been pretty rude to me the last time I had seen him. I gracefully
allowed him to give me his card, saying
I’d call him but knowing that I never would. He finally left and I held my head up high, feeling incredibly victorious somehow and like I had really grown up. I figured Mama would be proud-- I didn’t even mind if she decided to say “I told you so.” Mom’s just know more than their wily teenaged daughters. Yay for mother bears protecting their babies when their babies have no idea what they might be getting themselves into.
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