I was an adventuress. On a quest and determined to succeed. This will sound horrible, as I was in a fairly serious relationship with a guy that I really did care about, but I was on the hunt for something--someone-- exciting and hard to get. I knew that this relationship was destined to end eventually as we had different plans for the future. I loved the thrill of the chase and had recently found my target. James was incredibly quiet and painfully shy. He had an adorable smile and sparkly blue eyes. I looked forward to when we would work together, I even checked his schedule to know when he would be there. Borderline stalker.
When he was there, I would find any excuse I could to call him over to the cell phone booth I worked in. I wore low cut tops and tight black pants. He was a man after all. I knew how to work my assets. The fact that he didn’t seem even remotely interested spurred me on. Other guys were terribly obvious and I knew what they wanted. James was different. He kept to himself. He blushed from my attention. He even seemed to avoid me.
I wasn’t offended, I just took it as a challenge. Who did he think he was anyway? And why wasn’t he like every other hormone driven guy in the store? What did it take to get his attention?
I discussed it with Austin, a fellow employee and friend of James. He advised me, even begged me, to leave James alone.
“He’s a good guy. He doesn’t need you using him for your entertainment. I know how you are Julie.”
Well, he should have known better. Tell me not to do something and it will become a forbidden desire that I will fight to acquire and experience. I was more determined than ever. Another co-worker, Lori, gave me easy access to James’ schedule. I formulated plans and picked out my outfits with care on the days that I knew he would be there. I was making progress, having had several short conversations with him. He seemed to actually want to talk, not just stare at my chest like the other guys. We had a few laughs and I was feeling confident.
Then, one day, in the middle of a great conversation, a silly little blonde haired co-worker came up to the counter and invited James to go on break with her. He tore off his Walmart vest and stashed it under the counter, hurrying to join her just as fast as he could. He didn’t even say bye to me. I was pissed. Not hurt. I wouldn’t let myself be hurt by a conquest. Whether or not he did this on purpose, my determination now went into overdrive. He would be mine. He would want me and would want to spend every possible minute enjoying my attention. Yes, I was rather narcissistic and self-absorbed. It helped my fragile ego and filled a void left my ex-husband. I wasn’t a ‘man-eater’ as a former flame liked to call me. I was just young and looking to find myself and my identity. If that meant I would take a few bystanders along for the ride, so be it.
I continued flirting with James every chance I got and would mercilessly parade my doting admirers in front of him, hoping to appeal to his jealous side. He had to have one hidden in there somewhere. Plus, I needed to get back at him for the incident with the little blonde girl.
By all accounts, James seemed unaffected and even more determined to make me work for hi attentions. If only I knew then what I know now. It sure would be nice to be able to read peoples’ minds and not have to wait till years later to find out what they were actually thinking. There were much easier routes to his heart but I didn’t know that at the time, having been successful with a certain approach for so long. I couldn’t understand why he was so much different. Maybe it was because he did actually have a heart. He wasn’t just looking for a body but an actual person to care about. That was not what I was looking for.
My current relationship was still going on but I had a growing awareness that it was doomed to failure. A mutual friend of James and I had suggested that James attend Church with my boyfriend and I. James was wanting to get back into it and I went every week, despite all the nasty things said about me. I may have been a somewhat loose woman with questionable morals, but I loved my Savior and knew that eventually I wanted to take that path.
James rode with me to church where we met up with my boyfriend. We sat together, sang together, worshipped together. Some weeks my boyfriend had to work and so it was just James and I. I was as pathetic as the silly guys in movies working to attain a pretty girl. I would hold our hymnal with one hand and wrap the other around the back of James’ chair, eventually maneuvering to rest my hand on his shoulder. He didn’t stop me.
Several weeks of church attendance later, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was time for things to happen with James. I no longer had a commitment holding me back and was exploring several options with some fine young men, being fresh off an emotional break up and all. This was status quo. When I finally texted James that it was time for him to ask me out, I had a string of suitors that I was playing with. It was all superficial nonsense on my part. I knew what I was after. James responded quickly to my text and our date was scheduled.
I was happy to tell Austin and Lori all about it. They were disappointed and again encouraged me to leave the poor boy alone. He wasn’t like all the other guys, they told me. He was a good one and didn’t deserve to be a conquest. They weren’t the only ones that told me to keep my distance. And there were plenty of people advising James to stay as far away from me as possible.
Whatever the reason, James decided to ignore them and make his own informed decision about me and my character. He always has been good at looking past the cover of a book, able to find nuggets of gold where others see only tin.
It came time for our date and I haughtily informed Austin that James would be kissing me that night. Austin went into a desperate string of pleas on behalf of James’ virtue and goodness. I heeded not one word.
James picked me up and we played pool at Ozz and ate dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. I was happy to see that he was finding himself comfortable with me. He spoke easily and I didn’t have to carry the conversation. He was flirtatious and I was certain that he must’ve wanted to go out with me all along.
After our date, we ended up back at my apartment, watching a movie. I knew that if I was going to make my move it would need to be now. I scooted closer to him on the couch and put my hand on his leg. He didn’t move. I could feel the nervousness radiating from him and it made me smile. He was so cute and his eyes were so lovely. He smelled good and he looked at me expectantly. I realized pretty quick that he wasn’t going to take advantage of the moment; it was all up to me.
I moved in to kiss him and to my amazement and shock, he pulled back. Had I totally misread the signals? What was wrong with this guy??
He quickly explained that he had a cold and didn’t want me to catch it. How chivalrous... Though that may have been at least partially true, I was unconvinced, especially when he managed an appropriately time, fairly convincing cough for my benefit. I didn’t buy it. Austin must have gotten to him; perhaps told him of my plans to conquer. I would not be undermined or defeated.
I was there to kiss him and kiss him I did. He gave up the fight quickly. He is a man after all. Even with his good intentions of helping me avoid sickness, he wasn’t able to contend further with his healthy hormones. I kissed him and he kissed me right back. It was lovely, passionate and new. I could tell he put everything he had into impressing me and I appreciated his efforts. Silently I patted myself on the back. Victory. I could hardly wait to tell Austin the next day.
Regaling him with stories of my success, I watched as Austin just shook his head.
“You don’t know what you’re doing Julie. James is a good guy and deserves to be treated right.” I was pretty sure I had treated him really well so far, even if I did have my own selfish intentions.
Meanwhile, James was telling our mutual friend Jake that he wouldn’t be seeing me again. He didn’t want to be just another one of the guys on my list. I was dangerous or something like that. He was done. I wasn’t terribly concerned at the time as I had a date with my ex-boyfriend that night and several other dates lined up for the week. I had had fun with James but I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I was still pretty hung up on the ex-boyfriend.
I was surprised when James texted me a couple days later, wanting to see me again. How about that? I thought, wondering if I wanted to go out with him again. I was a bit nervous about leading him on. Whether or not anyone else believed it, I really did have a heart and a conscience. I eventually decided that another date couldn’t hurt. We went out again, and then again and again. I learned more and more about him, finding so many things to like. I realized there was so much more to this man than I could ever have imagined. He treated me so well and was happy to look beyond all of my flaws and my horrible reputation. He saw past the façade to the self conscious little girl on the inside that just wanted desperately to be loved.
I hadn’t stopped dating other people yet. I wasn’t ready. James and I had only been seeing each other for a few weeks after all. James had other plans though. I took him with me to visit my cousin that was in the hospital, preparing to meet the Lord. I guess it was strange that I would take him with me on an occasion like that if I hadn’t yet decided that I was serious about him. On the way there, James insisted we pull into a parking lot. I thought at first that he just wanted to make out. No. He wanted to ‘talk.’ I was not ready for this conversation and fought to keep it from happening. When James is determined however, he makes things happen.
For nearly two hours we sat in my car, him explaining why I should only be seeing him and assuring me that if I didn’t get rid of the other guys, he would most definitely be moving along. I thought about calling his bluff but his tone was so serious. I realized that he must mean it. A battle commenced in my mind. I didn’t want to lose him but I just wasn’t ready for commitment. We went back and forth and finally he just left it up to me. He had laid out his cards and wouldn’t be persuaded.
I knew I must be crazy for making such a decision, but I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. I acquiesced. He kissed me. He held me. I felt secure and at peace. This guy really cared about me. Maybe this was the right move.
We visited my cousin. It was a bonding experience. On the way home, he watched as I texted all the guys I had been seeing and told them of my new relationship status. There were a few angry responses and I made sure that James read them. He didn’t feel bad for the other guys, instead he smiled a big happy smile, enjoying his victory. That boy can really stand up for what he wants or believes if he feels so inclined and he isn't shy about claiming the spoils of war.
He wasn't the only one to enjoy the benefits however. We were now officially a couple and I felt that entitled me to certain things. He was dropping me off at work one day and I asked him to walk in with me. I stopped conveniently in front of the register where that silly little blonde girl was cashiering. I kissed James deeply and made sure that she saw us, though she tried to look away. James was embarrassed. I was triumphant and floated through my shift that day. The conquering hero had been crowned.
Here we are, approaching our seven year wedding anniversary. James won me by ignoring me. He won me by seeing the goodness I had hidden so well. He won me by giving me a chance when all the signs pointed in the opposite direction. He won me with his strength, his character and his loyalty. He won me by letting me think I had won. He’s a smart guy….. and he’s mine. Austin and Lori gave their blessings eventually. Lori even hosted my bachelorette party. I haven’t seen or spoken with Austin in years, but I’d love to run into him sometime and tell him that he was partially right. James is a good guy and he deserved more than to be a conquest, a target of my ambition. Maybe he will be satisfied to see that I have given James a lot of good years, well beyond that first night and kiss.
Funny how things work out sometimes.
When he was there, I would find any excuse I could to call him over to the cell phone booth I worked in. I wore low cut tops and tight black pants. He was a man after all. I knew how to work my assets. The fact that he didn’t seem even remotely interested spurred me on. Other guys were terribly obvious and I knew what they wanted. James was different. He kept to himself. He blushed from my attention. He even seemed to avoid me.
I wasn’t offended, I just took it as a challenge. Who did he think he was anyway? And why wasn’t he like every other hormone driven guy in the store? What did it take to get his attention?
I discussed it with Austin, a fellow employee and friend of James. He advised me, even begged me, to leave James alone.
“He’s a good guy. He doesn’t need you using him for your entertainment. I know how you are Julie.”
Well, he should have known better. Tell me not to do something and it will become a forbidden desire that I will fight to acquire and experience. I was more determined than ever. Another co-worker, Lori, gave me easy access to James’ schedule. I formulated plans and picked out my outfits with care on the days that I knew he would be there. I was making progress, having had several short conversations with him. He seemed to actually want to talk, not just stare at my chest like the other guys. We had a few laughs and I was feeling confident.
Then, one day, in the middle of a great conversation, a silly little blonde haired co-worker came up to the counter and invited James to go on break with her. He tore off his Walmart vest and stashed it under the counter, hurrying to join her just as fast as he could. He didn’t even say bye to me. I was pissed. Not hurt. I wouldn’t let myself be hurt by a conquest. Whether or not he did this on purpose, my determination now went into overdrive. He would be mine. He would want me and would want to spend every possible minute enjoying my attention. Yes, I was rather narcissistic and self-absorbed. It helped my fragile ego and filled a void left my ex-husband. I wasn’t a ‘man-eater’ as a former flame liked to call me. I was just young and looking to find myself and my identity. If that meant I would take a few bystanders along for the ride, so be it.
I continued flirting with James every chance I got and would mercilessly parade my doting admirers in front of him, hoping to appeal to his jealous side. He had to have one hidden in there somewhere. Plus, I needed to get back at him for the incident with the little blonde girl.
By all accounts, James seemed unaffected and even more determined to make me work for hi attentions. If only I knew then what I know now. It sure would be nice to be able to read peoples’ minds and not have to wait till years later to find out what they were actually thinking. There were much easier routes to his heart but I didn’t know that at the time, having been successful with a certain approach for so long. I couldn’t understand why he was so much different. Maybe it was because he did actually have a heart. He wasn’t just looking for a body but an actual person to care about. That was not what I was looking for.
My current relationship was still going on but I had a growing awareness that it was doomed to failure. A mutual friend of James and I had suggested that James attend Church with my boyfriend and I. James was wanting to get back into it and I went every week, despite all the nasty things said about me. I may have been a somewhat loose woman with questionable morals, but I loved my Savior and knew that eventually I wanted to take that path.
James rode with me to church where we met up with my boyfriend. We sat together, sang together, worshipped together. Some weeks my boyfriend had to work and so it was just James and I. I was as pathetic as the silly guys in movies working to attain a pretty girl. I would hold our hymnal with one hand and wrap the other around the back of James’ chair, eventually maneuvering to rest my hand on his shoulder. He didn’t stop me.
Several weeks of church attendance later, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was time for things to happen with James. I no longer had a commitment holding me back and was exploring several options with some fine young men, being fresh off an emotional break up and all. This was status quo. When I finally texted James that it was time for him to ask me out, I had a string of suitors that I was playing with. It was all superficial nonsense on my part. I knew what I was after. James responded quickly to my text and our date was scheduled.
I was happy to tell Austin and Lori all about it. They were disappointed and again encouraged me to leave the poor boy alone. He wasn’t like all the other guys, they told me. He was a good one and didn’t deserve to be a conquest. They weren’t the only ones that told me to keep my distance. And there were plenty of people advising James to stay as far away from me as possible.
Whatever the reason, James decided to ignore them and make his own informed decision about me and my character. He always has been good at looking past the cover of a book, able to find nuggets of gold where others see only tin.
It came time for our date and I haughtily informed Austin that James would be kissing me that night. Austin went into a desperate string of pleas on behalf of James’ virtue and goodness. I heeded not one word.
James picked me up and we played pool at Ozz and ate dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. I was happy to see that he was finding himself comfortable with me. He spoke easily and I didn’t have to carry the conversation. He was flirtatious and I was certain that he must’ve wanted to go out with me all along.
After our date, we ended up back at my apartment, watching a movie. I knew that if I was going to make my move it would need to be now. I scooted closer to him on the couch and put my hand on his leg. He didn’t move. I could feel the nervousness radiating from him and it made me smile. He was so cute and his eyes were so lovely. He smelled good and he looked at me expectantly. I realized pretty quick that he wasn’t going to take advantage of the moment; it was all up to me.
I moved in to kiss him and to my amazement and shock, he pulled back. Had I totally misread the signals? What was wrong with this guy??
He quickly explained that he had a cold and didn’t want me to catch it. How chivalrous... Though that may have been at least partially true, I was unconvinced, especially when he managed an appropriately time, fairly convincing cough for my benefit. I didn’t buy it. Austin must have gotten to him; perhaps told him of my plans to conquer. I would not be undermined or defeated.
I was there to kiss him and kiss him I did. He gave up the fight quickly. He is a man after all. Even with his good intentions of helping me avoid sickness, he wasn’t able to contend further with his healthy hormones. I kissed him and he kissed me right back. It was lovely, passionate and new. I could tell he put everything he had into impressing me and I appreciated his efforts. Silently I patted myself on the back. Victory. I could hardly wait to tell Austin the next day.
Regaling him with stories of my success, I watched as Austin just shook his head.
“You don’t know what you’re doing Julie. James is a good guy and deserves to be treated right.” I was pretty sure I had treated him really well so far, even if I did have my own selfish intentions.
Meanwhile, James was telling our mutual friend Jake that he wouldn’t be seeing me again. He didn’t want to be just another one of the guys on my list. I was dangerous or something like that. He was done. I wasn’t terribly concerned at the time as I had a date with my ex-boyfriend that night and several other dates lined up for the week. I had had fun with James but I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I was still pretty hung up on the ex-boyfriend.
I was surprised when James texted me a couple days later, wanting to see me again. How about that? I thought, wondering if I wanted to go out with him again. I was a bit nervous about leading him on. Whether or not anyone else believed it, I really did have a heart and a conscience. I eventually decided that another date couldn’t hurt. We went out again, and then again and again. I learned more and more about him, finding so many things to like. I realized there was so much more to this man than I could ever have imagined. He treated me so well and was happy to look beyond all of my flaws and my horrible reputation. He saw past the façade to the self conscious little girl on the inside that just wanted desperately to be loved.
I hadn’t stopped dating other people yet. I wasn’t ready. James and I had only been seeing each other for a few weeks after all. James had other plans though. I took him with me to visit my cousin that was in the hospital, preparing to meet the Lord. I guess it was strange that I would take him with me on an occasion like that if I hadn’t yet decided that I was serious about him. On the way there, James insisted we pull into a parking lot. I thought at first that he just wanted to make out. No. He wanted to ‘talk.’ I was not ready for this conversation and fought to keep it from happening. When James is determined however, he makes things happen.
For nearly two hours we sat in my car, him explaining why I should only be seeing him and assuring me that if I didn’t get rid of the other guys, he would most definitely be moving along. I thought about calling his bluff but his tone was so serious. I realized that he must mean it. A battle commenced in my mind. I didn’t want to lose him but I just wasn’t ready for commitment. We went back and forth and finally he just left it up to me. He had laid out his cards and wouldn’t be persuaded.
I knew I must be crazy for making such a decision, but I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. I acquiesced. He kissed me. He held me. I felt secure and at peace. This guy really cared about me. Maybe this was the right move.
We visited my cousin. It was a bonding experience. On the way home, he watched as I texted all the guys I had been seeing and told them of my new relationship status. There were a few angry responses and I made sure that James read them. He didn’t feel bad for the other guys, instead he smiled a big happy smile, enjoying his victory. That boy can really stand up for what he wants or believes if he feels so inclined and he isn't shy about claiming the spoils of war.
He wasn't the only one to enjoy the benefits however. We were now officially a couple and I felt that entitled me to certain things. He was dropping me off at work one day and I asked him to walk in with me. I stopped conveniently in front of the register where that silly little blonde girl was cashiering. I kissed James deeply and made sure that she saw us, though she tried to look away. James was embarrassed. I was triumphant and floated through my shift that day. The conquering hero had been crowned.
Here we are, approaching our seven year wedding anniversary. James won me by ignoring me. He won me by seeing the goodness I had hidden so well. He won me by giving me a chance when all the signs pointed in the opposite direction. He won me with his strength, his character and his loyalty. He won me by letting me think I had won. He’s a smart guy….. and he’s mine. Austin and Lori gave their blessings eventually. Lori even hosted my bachelorette party. I haven’t seen or spoken with Austin in years, but I’d love to run into him sometime and tell him that he was partially right. James is a good guy and he deserved more than to be a conquest, a target of my ambition. Maybe he will be satisfied to see that I have given James a lot of good years, well beyond that first night and kiss.
Funny how things work out sometimes.
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